I was just woken up by some kind of bee on my face so now I cannot go back to sleep.
Correction: I may never sleep again.
Honestly, bugs are terrifying. Can we all admit that? At least with an animal you can maybe reason with it. If something has visbile eyes I feel like I could talk it out of hurting me (note: this logic does not apply to Furbies). You can maybe even domesticate a once-threatening animal and start a lifelong relationship with what is now your new pet. But with bugs it is simply war. You vs. Them. Especially in the dark when they could be anywhere. Sure, I killed the one who woke me up, but what if it wasn't alone? If there are others I can only hope they witnessed the execution of their comrade (smothered by pillow against concrete wall) and take its death as an example.
Yes, I can tell I'm starting to sound a little psychopath-ish here, but it's 4:15 am. And I was woken up by a bee. ON MY FACE.
Not everyone hates bugs. Do you know this kind of person? The kind who insists you don't kill the stinging bastard but trap it in a cup and release it back into the wild? It's the same type of person who likes to say, "It's more scared of you than you are of it." That is just not true. Bugs come into my home all the time. They get up in my face when I'm eating lunch. This summer, one got inside my sock and stung me right on the ankle. So no, I do not think bugs are afraid of me. In fact, I think they are ridiculously cocky and see me as nothing more than some giant moving pin cushion.
Ok, I have to stop writing about bugs because it's freaking me out. Let's see, what else can I post on this blog that everyone reads.....
My sister got engaged!!!
You guys know my sister Mallie right? She's basically a living goddess who does stuff like exercise every day, perfect homemade recipes, and not log on to our family netflix account (i.e. goddess). Her fiance, Gifford, is pretty great too. And, yes, I could go on and on about how he's bilingual, a uva grad, a naval officer, blah blah blah, but I'd rather talk about the fact that his name is Gifford. How amazing is that? Like Clifford the Big Red Dog, only it's Gifford. The bar for significant others in our family has just been raised. Touche, Mallie, touche.
Speaking of engagements, I have something to say to all the people my age getting engaged:
WHAT??????????????????????????WHY????!!!!!??????WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now let me be clear: I am not saying that people who get engaged at 22 haven't found "the one" or that they won't have a successful marriage. I just truly don't get it. I was under the impression that dating was a pretty good deal for us young twenty-somethings. It's like being married....just not as hard. Plus, being the heterosexual that I am, I'm pretty much dreading the whole "living with a guy" ordeal. I grew up with two brothers and- even though I love them dearly- I never wanted to share a bathroom with them. Maybe chalk it up to my immaturity or my selfishness (or a number of other personal flaws I haven't recognized yet) but this whole getting a ring before a degree thing has thrown me for a loop.
I have another thing to say to all the people my age getting engaged: Seriously, I wish you the best of luck. And I wish that someday marriage will not terrify me as much as waking up to a bug on my face.
Anyone still reading this? No? Okay, cool. Just me and my thoughts.
Here's a fun fact: sometimes I like to read the titles of news articles and nothing else. Not because I'm lazy -well, not only because of that- but because it can be pretty amusing to try and guess what could possibly come next. Here's are some real examples from my BBC app:
"Could a monster shark have kept whales in check?"
"Thousands queue for 'meat stone'"
"China says no to Dumbledore"
If anyone writes a faux-news article for one of those three and sends it to me I will post it on this blog. Which means a few hundred or so Americans will read your work, and even more Ukrainians (I'm not kidding. This website lets me see what country people are viewing the blog from and I am more popular in the Ukraine than I am in the US. And you know what they say- if you can make it in Eastern Europe, you can make it anywhere).
I don't know if I should be disturbed by this so much as I think that EPOWAIEUGOSNVJE I KID YOU NOT THERE IS ANOTHER BUG I REPEAT ANOTHER BUG THIS IS NOT A DRILL WHAT IS HAPPENING
You can't tell, but there has been a passage of time between this piece of text and the one prior. Another bug has lost its life in its quest to break down my sense of safety/ability to trust. I have nothing else to say. Good night (good morning).